-

The feeling just sucks lah. Faggot.

早就說，我在裏面超不開心的。因爲裏面就是有不公平的待遇。付出了這麽多，最後得到的卻是這樣的回報。

所謂一生一世的好友就是連考試，他們都會抽出或擠出那一點的時間來陪你。
但是這些，我在你們的身上就是看不到。可能，是我太在意了吧。

算了啦，我不應該再以這些的。因爲，你們就是不懂。

Could you?

I just need some care from you. Really. However, till today, I realised something: I am the most stupid and silly one. I've been an invisible person to you. Oh, so this was the msg you wanted to tell me. Alright. I got it. I should stop giving myself excuses and letting this get over me again and again. I am hurt. Ya. It's gonna be almost a year and I haven't get out of this problem. I am always going in and out of this. I had enough. Ya, those words that you've posted are hurtful, to me, maybe not to you.

Hey yo. 我在这里宣布: 我正式成为你命中的过客.

Stop. I need to stop. Since 你什么都不要做，我不需要在折磨自己。

Random

Changed my Blogskin. The previous one spoils totally... ._.

Did some reflection over the days... Guess I am on the way to my dream. I need to know and understand how the society works and not let it affect myself that much.

Very emotional and sensitive now a days. I guess this is the thing that I have to change. Tsk tsk tsk... Can't stand it.

6 more days to Hebe's concert. Can't imagine how things will be going on that day. Talk? Ignore? Mute? Or is only an outing between her and T? I am the extra one? Guess so... Can't imagine... Really can't.

Things that I can't stand it, I will either keep quiet or just let it flow away. This is because I don't want to hurt any people's feeling. Same to you. Please understand why I don't want to say out most of the things is that, the moment I blast out everything, trust me, it's either you get crazy or get hurt. So why not I just rant everything in that acc rather than this actual one? You will never want to know what I am thinking, cuz it's complicating. I will never let you in to my world until you are fully prepared and ready.

Shall stop using that account until Os is over. I will get distracted over her tweets. Hey yo, this is a hint for you to post anything you like worh... 把握机会 yo.

Gonna introduce this pretty person:

曾咏霖 OMG SHE'VE GOT A GODLY VOICE! \m/  Listen and you will know.

Trust me, she's the only one that can sing in SG! No one can ever beat her.

“有一天，你若是能進到我的心裏，你一定會落淚，因爲那裏都是你給的悲傷”

Remember you retweeted this one day?

Now, it's my turn to retweet back this to you。

._.

I am hurt deeply. Really deep. 

你说把爱渐渐，放下会走更远。。。

Tweeted that on Tuesday. I can't take it anymore. For the entire day, I couldn't get myself focus because I am thinking about this problem. I wish I could lock myself up for the rest of the year. Taking exam at home if possible (Joke lah, that won't happen). Today, I nearly can't focus on my paper because she was sitting in front of me and I've to face her back view. Omg.... WHY CAN'T MY REGISTER NUMBER BE LIKE NUMBER 1? ._. 

Came in and blogged today because I wish after what I've blogged about today, things will put to a stop. It hurts. Yes, it definitely hurts. But what hurts most is that, we hold it on and don't let it go. I see no point of holding on if everyday, we like ignoring each other, pretending that we are "BEST FRIENDS FOR LIFE" when you are actually with the others and I am with my own group. We have no interaction at ALL totally ZERO interaction.  Not like YZ and Mil you know? At least they will come and talk to me. THEN? The most hurt and hated thing is that I HAVE TO BE THE ONE THAT WALKS UP OR SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME THAN YOU WILL COME AND TALK TO ME. ._. Like that Thursday when I had my Chem SPA and I cried. 

还要一起冲，还一起勇敢做梦，最求，难免伤痛。

This few months, the only thing that I remembered and I got so happy was when one of the Tuesday, you actually walked INTO MY CLASSROOM LIKE FINALLY and intended to talked to me, I supposed. But then I chose to go to your classroom. THIS WAS THE ONLY THING THAT MADE ME HAPPY THAT DAY. Because you took some initiative. 

You know what? I am not angry with you. It's just that the way you acted make me very disappointed and it hurts. It really hurts. Every time I got home, I got to tell myself, 用工作麻醉自己吧. But it doesn't help. People are not born to please people. Ya, I know. I know in some way I am in wrong too. But... ARGHH. It really hurts. Really hurts. 

Letting go.... Maybe, it might be better for both of us. I don't know. 我伤到怕了。因为真的很痛。

T_T

Wanted to change my blogskin to a emo one... forget it.

Wow, It's me... See that? 

Look, that's me. And maybe Haslam too. We are both saddist. Ya, a word that I've just created. Saddist. I rock right?

Had a talked with Mil today and I can't believed that those words actually came out from my mouth. Amazing. This shows how much you guys have hurt me. Is just that I didn't show it in front of you people. Moreover, there's no point showing I guess.

Mid-year is coming and I am still here procrastinating. How awesome I am arh.

Told Haslam that I will open bar one day and it will be named FAC- Forever alone club/bar. And I will make this beer called "Loneliness " to all those who are out there feeling alone, don't worry, this drink are for you people.

No more happiness for me I guess. I have forgotten how happiness feel like. It's been a long time I really smiled with a happy feeling. I don't have that any more.

Forget it. No one will understand.

Are you the one?

Again.

Can't agree more with Haslam. Life is just so unfair. How can people be so not understanding now a days? What's with the society now a days? Tell me? What's wrong?

So.... Hey dude, there's nothing called "BEST FRIENDS FOR LIFE!" This is just a piece of shit.
Well, today, me and JY just saw the same thing happening in my clique again... Whenever there's something we notice, we will eye on one another. So... ya, it's the same problem.

And now the most suckish thing was that, whatever things I said or do in my clique, I HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL! Afraid of making them angry, afraid of them leaving me behind...

Seriously, whatever I've posted today is seriously 100% my true feelings.

Afraid of being alone? Half true. That incident happened in my primary school hasn't really gotten out of my mind. I was too afraid to being alone without friends again I suppose.

But how can I seriously get myself out of this uncomfortable friendship crisis? TELL ME MAN! TELL ME! HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO NOT UNDERSTAND? - back to the question.

I missed those days when I was in Sec 2 and 1 when I made new friends and I don't have to really care about my action and what I spoke in front of my friends and just go crazy with them and they understand! BUT NOW? HA! YOU CAN'T YO! Like today, after I have finished my A-maths practice paper, I was so high and happy that I've completed all the question then I went siao and kept calling Nai Nai's name. Then what was Ray's reaction? Turn to XY and commented on my action. Wow thanks. I don't know if I am being too sensitive, but whatever you guys do or say in front of me, or even behind me, I take it and remember it. Okay, I admit, this was too sensitive. Find, let's drop it.

I don't know what I am living for now, seriously.

Sad life I have.

Just a little thought.

Who knows? Just had a talked with my care bear friend. How sucking friends can be. Woot. It's okay. I am sick and tired of it like seriously. The most sad things is that I am faking smile again. Congrats. And...... Okay it's stupid to let this matter affect myself. Fine. Fine. Fine.

Settle...

Settle for a while. Okay, that post is going to stay up till tmr at around this timing.

I have to accept how the world is make up of. I have to accept how human beings react.

Guess, I've been overreacted.

Sensitive?

Being sensitive this few days? Nah

Well, things hasn't been the same as Before I suppose?

Nvm, only I know what's going on and what's should the name be changed to. It's okay. People don't know, I know.

I really feel like crying now seriously. How people can be so not understanding. How long more I have to live on with this kind of life that how people is treating me. HOW LONG MORE?

And with friends who ain't sensitive and in their lalaland don't know what's going on. THANKS! STOP HURTING FRIENDS LIKE ME AND HASLAM! THANKS!

Is okay, I understand that no one will understand how I am feeling know. Thanks. I will go one corner, draw circle and cry now. Forget about the upcoming geography test.

FML

I guess.

從昨天
到今天
還有明天
感謝老天讓妳們陪在我身邊

愛的心
痛的心
等待的心
因為有妳們的擁抱我很放心

當初見面的不安彼此探索
也許有點茫然迷惑
朝夕相處才發現這世界中
沒有人比妳們更懂我

朋友 姐妹
都已不夠來形容
我們的默契驕傲扶持與包容
老婆 老婆
我們一起打勾勾
請記得約定的旅程到永久

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Best Friend for life! This lyrics suits it totally. 

But is there such thing as "Best Friend for Life? " Ya, Look at the inverted commas "" 

No, I doubt so. 

Turn down on playing 三國殺 with them and others yesterday. Don't really want to go. I rather stay at home and rot, but was with 糖醋魚 and B yesterday. :D I feel more happy with them yo! Ate my corn and Mr Bean 豆花. MY LIFE IS COMPLETE! No lah. Joke only. XD

I don't know what to say but... I really hate this feeling. Nvm, I shall ignore this as much as I could. Cuz It's affecting me now and I can't focus on my chem which is like I am having test tmr. SURE DEAD BEAT! T_T 

Guess I found someone who is in the same situation as me. Dude, hold on. It's gonna be over soon. 

还要一起冲

Friends...

My Love... They are currently My Love.

Friends... What are friends for? This was the thought of the day to myself.

Let's start with... 269 I suppose?

The clique that formed up in a second. I don't quite remember how we met each other and formed up. The unique name, added all our birthdays and this number- 269.

Sometimes, I find myself lucky and honoured to be in this clique. They are the ones that make me happy when I am down, the ones that I could talk to when I have problems.... I even have the thought that we could really be best friend forever and even go for a country trip when we grow up! Having outings, lunch or dinner even if we are busy with our work and so on....

But it was when I realised that things doesn't goes the way it suppose to. It was when this particular day JY, Jay and I walked together and started to think about the future of 269 and then three of us have the same thought - we won't go that far.

Just saw this tweet tweeted by Haslam: Having cliques inside your cliques. This is so true. Can't agree more.

I am not sensitive btw. This is what my cliques made me feel these few days. Seeing XY and Ray being so close like Sisters for life. And there was once, some of them went to study among themselves without letting others knowing that they are studying..... Frankly speaking, sometimes, I have no sense of belonging in this clique at all! But sometimes, I do. This is contradicting, I know.

If we graduated, are we going to be together or what I see was: Ray and XY going out together, maybe with Jon, KH or JY. Leaving Nai Nai and others aside?

Hope this will not happen.

JY.

Currently the "sisters for life"! LOL! I still have the scar on the hand yo. Have not fully recover....

The only and one person that we will have phone chats till 2am, the person that I share most of my problems with throughout the days when I was in Sec 3. 很難再遇到這樣的朋友了吧.

This year, we were back to close relationship again. Remember when we were in Sec 3, beginning of the year, she was with Mil, Ray and I. Mil and Ray were close and so was JY and I. Then slowly cuz of some unhappy situation, JY and I got drifted and I was together with Mil and she was with Ray. But now, as you can see, best friends do change. I suppose Ray's best friend is XY now rather than JY. I am REALLY GLAD THAT I HAVE FRIENDS LIKE HER!

Omg, this reminds me that I owe her something.... Hmm...

Mil.

Primary School friends VS Secondary School friends.

Hi Mil, friends for 9 years! XD

Glad to have such friends.

Still remember that day when I was feeling down about incident with XY and I, I didn't expect to got a sweet msg from her. Haha! This is what I called, my true friends. Although we ain't really that close when we were in Primary school, but at least now, she knows and I know too! 心有靈犀一點通！Ya Mil? XD

Let's head for 20 years? LOL! Really hope we can last.

糖醋魚

提到她就不得回想起去年那莫名其妙的事。。。

我只能說，那是可以避免的。

看似和好如初，但我知道我們是囘不了從前。但現在的我很滿意我們這樣的關係。每當我看到她在和某人摧背還是什麽的，我會想起兩年前的時候，超棒的咯！

現在，雖然有點難過，只能默默地看在，但我已心滿意足。XD

現在，就是現在吧。

進步中。　

Last and not to mention:

LSE.

Great feeling.

壞在我竟忘了用眼淚 換一種疼愛

壞在我從不相信假笑 值得被青睞
壞在 好期待 永遠能壞得自在

感謝那麼多好人 笑我罵我念我 壞壞壞
壞到沒人愛更自愛
那些迷路的 同類們 快醒過來

感謝那麼多好人 急著忙著趕著 壞壞壞
壞到我們該站出來
逆行在人海 揚起的 那些澎湃 太痛快

壞在我總能徹底打敗 善良的傷害
壞在我真的捨得淘汰 虛偽的崇拜
壞在 好精彩 我就愛這種女孩

多想笨得像個天才 燦爛像顆塵埃
無所謂是好是壞

Great feeling today yeah? Claps to myself.

OMG.

Dead beat like seriously. Have been rushing against time to complete all my stuff. Orientation for TXY is like 2 days away yo. WTH RIGHT?

Not gonna post much cuz the up coming song has all my words in it. Really super nice! Love 曾沛慈 and 魏如昀 Really omg man especially the 合音 part.

好久不见，真的好久不见。

Wow

LOL! Was looking at those stupid post I've posted when I was in Primary 5 and 6. Super extremely stupid. -.-"" I think that time I was like bian tai or something? Why go like a female teacher???!!!! Gosh sia. Then all the post is all about her... JOKE OF MY LIFE YO!

But ya, she make an impact in my life though... Still remember this sentence said by her: \

曾子曰: 吾日三省吾身 为人谋而不忠乎 与朋友交而不信乎 传不习乎

This sentence was like... Wow, I can still remember till now! Joke sia.

Slacking like nobody's business... Gosh. Must start work now.

P5 and 6: Joke of my life yo.

-

View other stuff before I really settle down myself for a really long post, I guess.

"HOW LONG MORE......"

This was the question posted by Andrea Chan, our Trainer of the AK team. It really settle me down to think. Really, how long more I have to wait and see people standing in front of me, waving their result slips in my face and say "HELLO I AM THE TOP STUDENT!"

How long more I have to keep telling myself it's Os and I am not doing anything about it?

How long more I have to see my mum's disappointing face?

HOW LONG MORE I HAVE TO STUCK IN THIS FRIENDSHIP CRISES?

HOW LONG MORE I HAVE TO LIVE AND SEE OTHER PEOPLE FACES?

HOW LONG MORE

HOW LONG MORE

HOW LONG MORE?

Well I got distracted again.

Staring at the computer screen, don't know what to type for a minute. This always happen.

Yes, look at the picture up there. It's us again. Us again. With us in a picture and not in real life. You know what? To be frank and be a honest me, I really really extremely swear to god times infinite that I really really extremely chop stamp that.....

I missed how we were last time. I really missed that.

3 day of residential camp, I dreamt of you the last night when we were in that confine area when lighting alert was on. This was the 4th time I dreamt of you. Like omg only. Every time we were so happy in my dream. Both of us went back to who we suppose to be when we were in Sec 2. Super happy, super fun. No avoiding. No cold war. NOTHING. But whenever I woke up, I am back to reality. The world where I won't talk to you. I am shy and afraid to talk to you. Shy and afraid to play with you. Hoping that you will notice a little of me. Hoping that some "miracle" will appear every day. Hoping that we will get better one of the day.

Haha but I know it won't happen anyway. Some one will face palm me and say IN YOUR DREAMS! And ya, it was really in my dream.

I hope you have watched that video that I've recorded. It was really what I wanted to say to you. It seems that you have no reaction at all.

Haha but I shouldn't expect anything from you right? Hmmm.... Thanks Ting anyway.

You will never know how much I missed those times and how I wish you can come and talk to me and not always wanting me to take the first step.

You know whenever I think of what Ting told me how you wish I will spend a little time of mine to care about you I was like... ._. HOW?!

Really, HOW?! I find it awkward if I walk up to you and I say

"HEY JT HOW'S LIFE HUH."

Won't you be like ???????

And I will be like ??????
Then we will be like ???????????

Joke.

Sigh.

Btw, I still remember that song and I know how to sing. This link to that video, again.

Really hope you watched it.

一覺醒來

每天都在憂鬱　相愛的　來不及深愛
每晚都像倒數　做錯的　怕沒機會悔改
眼看著鐘擺　一秒秒　沒打算停下來
直到陽光照常　照亮了　昏沈的腦袋

一覺　醒來　世界依然存在
一覺　醒來　末日並沒有來

既然是這樣　有什麼　還讓我想不開
早知道是這樣　為什麼　怕什麼意外

該愛的　就去愛　該有的沒有離開
想做的　就去做　不管有什麼樣的未來
胡思亂想　不如好好　活在現在

要笑得更豪邁　要愛得更恩愛
要對得起這世界的存在
要活得更痛快　要跟時間比賽
把錯失的贏回來

過去一點挫敗　都好像　世界末日到來
末日愛來不來　不應該　自己先垮下來
現在每一天　都當做　是意外賺回來
既然是賺回來　更應該　過得更精彩

該愛的　就去愛　該有的沒有離開
想做的　就去做　不管有什麼樣的未來
胡思亂想　不如好好　活在現在

要笑得更豪邁　要愛得更恩愛
要對得起這世界的存在
要活得更痛快　要跟時間比賽
把錯失的贏回來

要笑得更豪邁　要愛得更恩愛
要對得起這世界的存在
要活得更痛快　要跟時間比賽
等什麼　發什麼呆
-----------------------------------------------------------

每當一覺醒來
發現其實這一切都是一場夢
夢裏如此的真實
現實卻不是如此
什麽時候才能真的回到我要的生活
我不知道

一覺醒來
好殘酷
我要我的夢

Another chapter of life.

她 在睡前哭泣 想要借着眼泪 清洗心理



这样感情 早就应该放弃 在就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹

Back from camp. The camp which taught me about life but not motivation only.

It was a memorable one. Especially Day 2 of the workshop and yesterday night. I remembered during this hour, we were having appreciation session with 4E1 and a lot of unexpected words came out from one's mouth. It was real touching and we found something different in one another. I could see tears around Mr Tan and Mr Wee's eyes even our coaches too. Kim especially.

Life was never an easy one. Of course all of us have to learn how to life and overcome all the obstacles.

3 days of emotional up and down. Wow.

What's life to you?
XY: 2 ans- Tough or Life.

Think.

太久

It's really too long. Too long.

Whenever I raised this question to 269, they always gave the this answer:

It's either you take it or leave it.

What can I do like seriously? Everyday, the same routine goes over and over again... I am tired and disappointed. Everyday I've been looking forward to some "miracle" happen. But it had always fail me. I seriously have no idea what am I suppose to do now.

It seems that I deserve a scolding by my friends around whenever I raided this question... Sigh.

Keep telling myself that I should stop being to 在意 about this problem which I can't help it at all!But I can't...

Oh well, waiting for March to see how it goes. Guess I am still going to carry on with my plan.

Oh btw, XY and YX knows my password for my phone like OMG only... XD

First post of the year!

First post of the year after so long... Feeling a bit weird. Gonna use this as a way for me to practice my English. English is getting worse and worse.

Life of a Sec 4 kid.... Totally suck to the max. I hate it. Tons and tons of homework, tons and tons of CCA stuff. But glad that CCA is ending soon. I want to focus on my studies!

This Saturday and Friday will be having a full pure paper. If I failed this paper = GG = bye pure = bye JC = Hi Poly = Omg which course should I take = Okay I will choose this then regret.

Wts right?

Fine.